Myra Ng

Meet Frankie, our guest writer of today’s article and the Founder, Owner, and Head Coach of Pretty Strong Coaching. Frankie has transformed her struggles with depression, chronic pain, and severe injuries into a journey of healing and empowerment where she founded Pretty Strong Coaching to help women achieve their fitness goals and embrace a healthier lifestyle. Despite facing extreme challenges such as being hit by a car and dealing with parasites in her eye, Frankie has recently completed the Norseman Xtreme Triathlon, the toughest Ironman on the planet and is also a four-time marathon runner. Join her as she empowers women to break through mental barriers, conquer self-doubt, and tackle burnout to become their strongest, healthiest self. We sat down with Frankie to find out more about how she prepared herself for the race:   Trapeze: Congrats Frankie, what an amazing achievement! How and when did you even begin to prepare for Norseman?   Frankie: Thank you! I got into Norseman in October 2023, and they give you a week to question all your life decisions! After speaking to several friends who have been to Norseman, either as an athlete or support crew, I knew I had to do it! Once I secured my slot it was full-send till August 2024 – 10 months all in!   Trapeze: Could you share more on how recovery at Trapeze has helped you in preparing for Norseman?    Frankie: The support from Trapeze was invaluable! Norseman starts with a jump off the back of a ferry into an icy fjord – and being in Singapore, the lowest temperature I could get was 21 degrees, but I had to get used to 10-15 degrees. The only way to do that was with ice baths. So I started regular ice baths at Trapeze from January. I would never have been able to have gotten through that swim without it!   Beyond that, I was hitting up to 20 hours of training a week, so the infrared sauna was a game changer for me. I’ve never used one before, but being able to use it helped me destress, relax, sleep better and recover faster.   Trapeze: Which was the toughest part of the race, and would you do it all over again?   Frankie: The toughest part was hitting 140km in the ride. This is the last point where you can’t see your support crew and the next 10km is uphill (after a brutal climb). You’re alone, 10 hours into the race, fighting strong winds and hail stones – it was relentless. But that’s Norseman – it pushes you to your absolute limits.    I would 100% do it all over again – it was hands down the most amazing race I’ve ever done! Get me back as soon as possible! As a triathlete, managing my recovery is just as important as the other three disciplines. I trained for the Norseman Xtreme, a long-distance triathlon featuring a 3.9 km swim, a 180.2 km bicycle ride, and a 42.2 km run. My body was under a lot of stress with such high volumes across swimming, cycling, and running each week. To optimise my recovery and enhance my performance, both cold plunges and infrared saunas have been highly beneficial. Each method has its own unique benefits, and understanding them can help you choose the best recovery option for your needs. Cold Plunge Therapy vs. Ice Baths Cold water immersion (cold plunge therapy) involves submerging your body into cold water (normally between 10-15°C) for 10-20 minutes. Ice baths tend to be around 0-10°C and involve submerging your body for 0-10 minutes. Both methods reduce muscle soreness, decrease inflammation, and improve blood circulation during the rewarming process. For general recovery, cold water submersion is ideal and is less extreme, making it easier to incorporate into your daily routine. However, ice baths can be perfect after very intense training sessions. They can be used for pain relief and are more effective in speeding up muscle recovery. Benefits: • Reduces muscle soreness: The cold constricts blood vessels, reducing inflammation and swelling, which can alleviate muscle soreness after intense workouts. • Speeds up recovery: They help flush out metabolic waste products from muscles, promoting quicker recovery. • Boosts mental toughness: The colder the water, the more it can enhance mental resilience and toughness, essential for endurance athletes. • Improves circulation: Alternating between cold and warm temperatures can improve circulation, enhancing overall cardiovascular health. My Own Protocol for Ice Baths: • Frequency: 3-4 times a week, ideally after intense training sessions. • Duration: Start with 1 minute and gradually increase up to 5 minutes as tolerance improves. I struggle with my hands, so I tend to leave these out of the ice bath! • Temperature: 5° is optimal for reducing inflammation and aiding recovery. Tips for Beginners: • Start slow: Begin with shorter durations and warmer temperatures if you’re new to cold plunges. Gradually work your way up. You can also start by exposing small parts of your body to the cold water first before your whole body. • Deep breathing: Practise deep breathing techniques to help manage the shock of the cold and to stay calm. • Warm up after: The shivering process post cold water exposure is a good thing – it’s warming you up! Ensure you then have a warm shower or drink a warm drink afterwards to help your body return to normal temperature. Infrared Sauna Therapy Infrared saunas use infrared light to penetrate the skin and heat the body directly, rather than heating the air around you like traditional dry saunas. This method increases heart rate and sweating, mimicking the effects of moderate exercise, which can help detoxify the body, improve circulation, and promote relaxation. Benefits:   • Detoxification: The increase in sweating helps eliminate toxins from the body. • Improves circulation: Infrared heat increases blood flow, which can help deliver more oxygen and nutrients to muscles, aiding in recovery. • Promotes relaxation: The warmth can soothe sore muscles and joints, helping with overall relaxation and stress relief – which is why I love them! • Boosts immune system: Regular infrared sauna sessions can boost the immune

Unraveling the Truth About Physiotherapy Integrative Physio was created to fulfil a dream of complete patient management with an understanding that our systems are connected. In order to optimise performance, as an athlete, a professional or merely as a human, these systems need to be working in harmony. Whether it’s recovery, maintenance, or simply enhancing your physical wellbeing, IP is all about understanding and meeting your unique wellness needs. – This article is penned by our friends at IP which aims to debunk misconceptions and shed light on the true nature and benefits of physiotherapy. Misconception #1: Physiotherapy Is Only For Treating Sports Injuries A common misconception that stops people from seeing a physiotherapist – while it’s true that physiotherapy plays a pivotal role in sports medicine, its scope is far more expansive, catering to a diverse range of individuals and conditions.     Physiotherapy serves as a lifeline for many – from young professionals grappling with repetitive strain injuries due to long hours at the computer, to older individuals managing age-related conditions such as osteoarthritis, physiotherapy provides tailored solutions to enhance mobility, alleviate pain, and improve quality of life (1).   Moreover, physiotherapy is also about prevention. By identifying and addressing potential risk factors, physiotherapists can help individuals avoid injuries and chronic conditions, promoting overall health and wellness. Using an integrative approach, which emphasises a holistic view of health, considering not just the physical, but the psychological and social aspects of well-being as well. This ensures that each individual receives comprehensive care that addresses their unique needs and goals. Misconception #2: Physiotherapy Is Just Exercise Another common misunderstanding is equating physiotherapy with mere exercise.    While exercise is a fundamental component of physiotherapy, it’s just one piece of the puzzle. Physiotherapy encompasses a wide range of techniques and modalities, all designed to improve mobility, function, and overall well-being (2).   Physiotherapists employ manual therapy, electrotherapy, hydrotherapy, and even psychological strategies, alongside exercise, to provide holistic care. They also play a pivotal role in educating patients about their conditions, empowering them to actively participate in their recovery process. This shared decision-making approach ensures that the treatment plan aligns with the patient’s goals and lifestyle, fostering better outcomes. Misconception #3: “If Surgery Can Fix My Condition, I Don’t Need Physiotherapy.” The last misconception to be addressed is the belief that surgery is a one-stop solution for all physical ailments. While surgical interventions can be crucial in treating certain conditions, they are often just one part of a comprehensive treatment plan.    Physiotherapy plays a pivotal role in the recovery process following surgery (3). It aids in restoring function, enhancing mobility, and minimising the risk of post-surgical complications by combining various therapeutic techniques, including manual therapy, exercise prescription, and patient education, to ensure a well-rounded recovery. Embracing Physiotherapy By debunking the prevalent misconceptions surrounding physiotherapy, we uncover a profession that is not confined to post-injury recovery but is a beacon of preventive care, wellness, and holistic health. Physiotherapy offers personalised treatments tailored to the unique needs and goals of each patient, ranging from managing chronic conditions to enhancing athletic performance. As we shed light on the true nature and benefits of physiotherapy, it becomes clear that this discipline is integral to achieving and maintaining optimal health. Let us embrace physiotherapy with an informed perspective and recognise its vital role in fostering a healthier, more active society. References:   1. Svraka E, Pecar M, Jaganjac A, Hadziomerovic AM, Kaljic E, Kovacevic A. Physical Therapy in Elderly Suffering from Degenerative Diseases. Mater Sociomed. 2017 Dec;29(4):272-275. doi: 10.5455/msm.2017.29.272-275. PMID: 29284998; PMCID: PMC5723174.   2. Jette DU, Hunter SJ, Burkett L, Langham B, Logerstedt DS, Piuzzi NS, Poirier NM, Radach LJL, Ritter JE, Scalzitti DA, Stevens-Lapsley JE, Tompkins J, Zeni J Jr; American Physical Therapy Association. Physical Therapist Management of Total Knee Arthroplasty. Phys Ther. 2020 Aug 31;100(9):1603-1631. doi: 10.1093/ptj/pzaa099. PMID: 32542403; PMCID: PMC7462050.     3. Bastemeijer CM, van Ewijk JP, Hazelzet JA, Voogt LP. Patient values in physiotherapy practice, a qualitative study. Physiother Res Int. 2021 Jan;26(1):e1877. doi: 10.1002/pri.1877. Epub 2020 Sep 11. PMID: 32918372; PMCID: PMC7900966.

Skincare Is Self-Care – This Is Why In honour of Self Care Day, this article is penned by our friends at Kew Organics, Singapore’s leading organic facial bar, presented in partnership with TRC, to shine a light on the integral role skincare plays in overall wellness. – What first comes to mind when you think of “self-care”? Is it 15-minute morning meditations, putting pen to paper or maybe getting in 10,000 steps each day? Seen as an overindulgence or a grudgingly necessary routine, we’re pretty sure skincare wasn’t one of the first things to spring to mind. Yet, we argue it’s both, and more importantly, it is the ultimate act of self-care and self-love. This is why Skincare is a ritual that grounds you As we lather cleanser in our palms and gently massage it onto our face, or pat a serum in our skin, we fully engage in a calming, meditative experience that encourages us to be present, engage our senses and to appreciate the subtle motions and sensory textures. In these moments, it gives us a chance for us to slow down, unplug and bring us back to the here and now.   Being intentional about your skincare routine is you showing your skin the kindness it deserves Often we hurriedly apply moisturizers and sunscreens before dashing out. Yet, when we intentionally dedicate time to nurture our skin, we are showing ourselves the love and care we deserve.    However, nurturing our skin is not just about the act of applying skincare. It’s also about the type of products we use. Our skin, being the largest organ, acts as a gateway, absorbing everything it encounters and passing it into our bloodstream. When we use organic and natural skincare that is free from harmful chemicals prevalent in many skincare products on the market, we make sure that we’re feeding our skin with only the good stuff. Self-care extends to what we consume With our gut or gastrointestinal tract being home to billions of bacteria and neurons, what we consume directly impacts our mood and overall health. The gastrointestinal tract is responsible for producing approximately 95% of serotonin, which is a neurotransmitter involved in regulating sleep, appetite, mood, and pain inhibition. This production of serotonin is largely influenced by the billions of “good” bacteria that make up your intestinal microbiome. For example, processed foods can disrupt healthy gut bacteria, while whole foods, such as fruits and vegetables promote a healthier gut and subsequently, healthier skin and a better mood.   What’s more, our skin is a great barometer for what’s going on inside the gut. When the good and bad bacteria in our gut is off-balance, it shows in our skin health through inflammation, eczema, rosacea, and acne. This is why it’s important to be intentional about the foods we put in our bodies. Movement matters too   Incorporating exercise elevates our heart rate, pumping more oxygen to our brain to better manage anxiety and depression. This physical activity also releases mood-enhancing chemicals like endorphins, serotonin and dopamine. Long-term, regular exercise may even generate new neurons in the hippocampus, the brain hub for memory, learning, and emotions, promoting long-term emotional stability. Furthermore, the increase in blood flow from exercise not only nourishes all organs, but also enriches skin cells with oxygen and nutrients, clearing impurities from the skin.   To round it all up, self-care is multifaceted and encompasses many different aspects beyond mindfulness. It is also about what you put on your body, what you put in your body and what you do with your body. References:   The link between our food, gut microbiome and depression (2023) The Washington Post. Available at: https://www.washingtonpost.com/wellness/2023/01/31/gut-microbiome-anxiety-depression/ (Accessed: 11 July 2023).    MD, E.S. (2022) Nutritional psychiatry: Your brain on food, Harvard Health. Available at: https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/nutritional-psychiatry-your-brain-on-food-201511168626 (Accessed: 11 July 2023).    Uma Naidoo, M. (2019) Gut feelings: How food affects your mood, Harvard Health. Available at: https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/gut-feelings-how-food-affects-your-mood-2018120715548 (Accessed: 11 July 2023).   

Tips For A Good Night’s Sleep Sleep is definitely not for the weak! The Importance of Sleep   Sleep is essential, not a luxury. It’s the window for our bodies to rest and recover which directly affects how our cognitive and behavioural functions operate. A good night’s rest is important as it affects everything from productivity and mental focus to athletic performance and immunity. In Matthew Walker’s Why We Sleep, Walker emphasises how sleep “restocks the armoury of our immune system, helping fight malignancy, preventing infection, and warding off all manner of sickness.” Sleep is essential for our overall health and wellbeing. Understanding your circadian rhythm – your internal 24-hour clock – can be a game-changer for your sleep quality. This natural timer helps regulate your sleep-wake cycle, making you feel awake during the day and sleepy at night. Light is the key external factor that helps set this clock; natural daylight signals it’s time to be awake, while darkness cues the body to rest. To align your sleep with your circadian rhythm, aim for consistency by going to bed and waking up at the same time each day. However, difficulties falling asleep are common for many. So, let’s explore some ways that can help you achieve the restful sleep you truly deserve.   1. Take a Warm Shower Struggling to doze off? It might be due to your body’s elevated core temperature. Research indicates that while we snooze, our core body temperature naturally drops by about 1-2 degrees, hence, it’s ideal to lower our body temperature before bed time – and you can do that with a warm shower.  This kickstarts better blood circulation, causing the blood to shift from your core towards your hands and feet. This process effectively whisks away excess heat, lowering your overall body temperature, giving your brain the signal that it’s time for bed. The resulting drop in temperature aids in sleep onset, making it easier to doze off. Plus, the comforting warmth of the shower helps soothe your body, releasing the day’s stress and tension. And the bonus – you’ll tuck into bed all fresh and clean. 2. Is Blue Light Really Harmful? Melatonin, a naturally occurring hormone in our bodies, plays a vital role in balancing the circadian rhythm and aligning our sleep-wake cycle. Its production escalates during periods of darkness, serving as a signal to our bodies that it’s time to wind down and rest. Unfortunately, the presence of light, particularly blue light, can impede melatonin production. Blue light emanates from electronic devices like our phones, computers, and TVs. Hence, it’s important to set our screens aside before bedtime, granting melatonin the opportunity to take centre stage, facilitating a more restful sleep. 3. Setting The Mood The environment you’re in can shape your sleep quality. A cozy bed and a snug ambiance makes all the difference when it comes to falling asleep. Remember how cooling down your core temperature helps improve sleep quality? Well, sleeping in a cool room can genuinely improve your sleep. It not only helps lower your body temperature but also stops those night sweats from happening.productivity productivity    Besides adjusting the room temperature, consider adding more pillows or snuggling up with an extra blanket for that warm and fuzzy feeling. If you’re up for it, try lighting up a scented candle. Research suggests scents like lavender, jasmine, and chamomile work like magic to help you unwind. The calmer you feel, the easier it is to slip into the world of dreams. 4. Saunas For Sleep From October 2016 to October 2017, a global survey was conducted to gather data on the personal traits, sauna habits, and self-reported health and wellness experiences of individuals who use saunas 1-2 times per week – the results showed that 83.5% reported sleep benefits after sauna use. Your body temperature varies in accordance with your innate circadian cycle throughout the day, hence, utilising a sauna in the late afternoon or evening can align with your body’s natural cooling phase, leveraging the ‘after-sauna cooling effect’ to assist in achieving better sleep quality at night. In line with these findings, why not consider integrating a sauna into your usual routine? Trapeze Rec. Club offers both the traditional sauna and cold plunge as well as an infrared sauna. Enhance your natural sleep-wake cycle and elevate your quality of sleep – it’s a simple change that could make a world of difference. Snuggle Up! Understanding the science of sleep isn’t just intriguing – it’s essential for our overall well-being. From syncing your sleep with your internal clock to the calming effects of a warm shower and soothing scents, simple changes can make a world of difference. Prioritise your sleep hygiene to boost daytime productivity, mood, and overall health. Wishing you nights of blissful slumber ahead! References: Suni, E., Singh A.“Understanding Circadian Rhythm.” Sleep Foundation, 8 Aug 2023, https://www.sleepfoundation.org/circadian-rhythm#what-are-circadian-rhythms.   Pacheco, D., Wright, H. “Best Temperature For Sleep.” Sleep Foundation, 1 Sept 2023, https://www.sleepfoundation.org/bedroom-environment/best-temperature-for-sleep.   National, Heart, Lung and Blood Institute. “Your Sleep/Wake Cycle.” 24 Mar 2022, https://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/sleep/sleep-wake-cycle   Ko, LW., Su, CH., Yang, MH., Liu SY., Su TP. “A Pilot Study On Essential Oil Aroma Stimulation For Enhancing Slow-Wave ECG In Sleeping Brain.” 13 Jan 2021. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7806966/   Huberman, A. “Deliberate Heat Exposure Protocols for Health & Performance.” Huberman Lab. 1 June 2022, https://hubermanlab.com/deliberate-heat-exposure-protocols-for-health-and-performance/  

Shining a Light on Vitamin D Deficiency Straits Clinic was founded with the core belief that health and wellness should be approached holistically and made as seamless as possible for patients. In this feature, Dr. Mak from Straits Clinic joins us to provide comprehensive insights on everything you need to know about Vitamin D. Vitamin D is synthesised through sunlight exposure, so it’s surprising that many people in sunny Singapore are still deficient in this important vitamin. After all, the scorching sun is ever so eager to greet me each time I get my lunch from ABC Brickworks Market. In fact, more than two-thirds of the population may be deficient1. While sunlight exposure is one way to obtain vitamin D, supplementation through diet and supplements are also necessary. The Hidden Risks of Vitamin D Deficiency While osteoporosis is commonly  related to vitamin D deficiency, it’s important to note that this essential nutrient also plays a crucial role in regulating calcium levels and promoting bone development. Additionally, vitamin D is often overlooked for its ability to improve protein function and muscle strength, which are critical for optimal physical performance. Without sufficient levels of vitamin D, your body may not be able to operate at its full potential. Unlocking the Power of the Sun: How Vitamin D Fuels your Muscles Research has shown that vitamin D3 deficiency leads to muscle loss and decreased muscle strength. In a study, patients with low vitamin D levels and muscle weakness were able to reverse the muscle loss and improve function by taking vitamin D supplements. Moreover, research testing of muscular strength (via one repetition maximum from free weights) found a significant improvement of 18.75% in individuals after taking vitamin D3 supplements2. Getting Your Daily Dose of Sunshine Given the impact of vitamin D on muscle performance, it’s important for coaches, sports dietitians, and trainers to monitor their vitamin D levels. You can naturally increase your vitamin D intake by consuming fatty fish like salmon, tuna, and mackerel, as well as egg yolks and cheese. Additionally, vitamin D supplements are also great sources of this essential nutrient. It’s important to note that too much vitamin D can be toxic, so it’s always best to consult a physician for testing and supplementation advice. By understanding the importance of vitamin D and taking steps to ensure healthy levels, individuals can optimise their overall health and well-being. About Straits Clinic Straits Clinic, located at Anchorpoint Shopping Centre, offers frictionless healthcare services prioritising patients’ needs and comfort. Their extensive range of treatments cater to all health conditions and includes supplementary services such as vaccinations, health screenings, and medical health claims. Experience a comfortable and stress-free medical journey – contact Straits Clinic for your healthcare needs today. 1. Ogan, D., & Pritchett, K. (2013). Vitamin D and the athlete: Risks, recommendations, and Benefits. Nutrients, 5(6), 1856–1868. https://doi.org/10.3390/nu5061856  2.Wyon, M. A., Koutedakis, Y., Wolman, R., Nevill, A. M., & Allen, N. (2014). The influence of winter vitamin D supplementation on muscle function and injury occurrence in elite ballet dancers: A controlled study. Journal of Science and Medicine in Sport, 17(1), 8–12. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jsams.2013.03.007

Difficult Conversations As we wrap up our Valentine’s Day series on building healthy, long- lasting relationships, our final feature shares insights on the necessary conversations you should be having with your partner.   No matter how long you’ve been together with your partner, navigating relationships can be challenging. It’s important to set clear expectations and a mutual understanding on significant topics like finances, boundaries, trust, and priorities. Asnew circumstances come our way and as we take on new roles in life, it’s inevitable that the dynamics of a relationship will change. Therefore, it’s crucial to have honest, open conversations with your partner to understand each other and stay aligned.   The Gottman Institute, founded by relationship experts, Drs John and Julie Gottman, has identified eight important topics of conversation that every couple should discuss to have “a lifetime of love”, let’s explore some of them. The Essentials Trust and Commitment A strong and thriving relationship is built upon the foundation of trust and commitment. Hence, having an open discussion with your partner is crucial to align expectations so that you’re both on the same page and headed towards a trusting and secure relationship. As a couple, what steps can you take to foster trust and solidify your commitment to each other? What do you need from each other to feel secure and valued in the relationship?   Here are some questions you and your partner can ask each other: What areas do you trust me with? What areas do you need to develop more trust? For example, money, family, opposite sex, parenting, and work. What do you need from me to show that I’m committed to this relationship? Think about a time when you didn’t feel you could trust me. What could I have done to fix the situation? What are some things we can do together as a couple to ensure we are both committed to this relationship? Family Taking the next big step in every relationship can often feel daunting. Whether it’s moving in together, marriage, or having kids, these added responsibilities and difficult decisions can put a strain on the relationship. Problems tend to arise when both parties are not aligned or unable to come to a mutual agreement on certain big issues.   Here are some questions you can ask your partner: Are you thinking of marriage? If so, when? How do you handle change and the unexpected? How much do you value time together, versus time apart? How do you see kids fitting into your life? What if we struggle with fertility issues? Sex and Intimacy Maintaining a romantic and intimate connection with your partner ensures a happy and passionate relationship. Sexual intimacy can increase emotional closeness, build a stronger self-image for each partner, and relieve stress. Hence it’s essential to talk about sex with your partner to encourage a healthier sex life. Having open conversations about sex or expressing one’s desires and needs may be difficult for some, but the more you talk about it, the easier it gets. Above all, ensure that it is consensual and comfortable for both parties.    What are some things that turn you off or on? What are your sexual preferences? How often do you think we should be having sex? Every strong relationship is built on the foundation of open and ongoing communication between partners, and that can look a lot like difficult yet necessary conversations that will need to happen. It’s not always going to be smooth-sailing, but as long as you’re both willing to work as a team, you’re already working towards a healthy, thriving relationship. We hope this series has provided some tools and insight into building healthier, long- lasting relationships. Keep a lookout for our future features!

Managing Conflicts in Relationships Valentine’s Day may be over but the season of love never ends! Continuing the conversation surrounding building healthy and long-lasting relationships, this week’s feature will focus on tackling conflict in relationships and how to manage them.   Disagreements and arguments, also known as conflicts, are completely normal in relationships. While conflicts are often viewed negatively, they are signs that both partners are invested in the relationship. On the other hand, the absence of conflict could signify that one of you has ‘checked out’. Therefore, it is important to develop healthy conflict resolution skills to build a healthy relationship which can lead to a stronger bond between partners.   Let’s dive into the measures we can adopt to manage conflicts in our relationships, healthily. Managing Conflicts Constructively and Effectively When resolving a conflict, it is important to try and empathise with your partner to understand how they may be feeling. The first step is to initiate a conversation about what went wrong, how each of you felt, and what could have been done to prevent the situation from escalating. This will allow you to see things from your partner’s perspective or help gain a better understanding of the situation.    The key to processing a fight is to refrain from arguing, but to talk about what actually happened. Remember that there is no absolute “reality” but rather, two subjective realities or perspective to every situation. Therefore, it is never about who is right or wrong, but rather finding a compromise and accepting responsibility to move forward together. Step 1: Take Turns Expressing Your Feelings Give each other the space and opportunity to share your feelings along with your respective sides of the story. By actively listening, you gain a deeper understanding of each other’s perspectives and avoid blaming and hurting one another with spiteful words to prove a point. Always remember that your partner is not the enemy; you are a team. Therefore, aim to resolve the issue together, rather than working against each other.   Here are some words you can use when expressing how you feel:   Not listened to My feelings got hurt Totally flooded Unloved Misunderstood Criticised That my complaint was taken personally Out of control Overwhelmed with emotion Lonely   Ashamed Step 2: Discuss and Validate Both Subjective Realities . After talking it out, shift your attention to your individual feelings and needs. It is crucial to validate your partner’s experience and communicate your understanding of their perspective. Set aside your own emotions and try to empathise with your partner’s frustrations.   Validation responses can sound like:   “I understand why you felt that way.” “It sounds like you were very upset and hurt by what I said.” “I didn’t know that’s how I came off.”   (Reflect on what they said) “So, when I raised my voice, that made you feel attacked.”   Step 3: Accept Responsibility and Take Accountability What role did you each play in this fight? What could have triggered this reaction that led to a fight?    Accepting responsibility looks like:   “I’ve been very stressed lately.” “I can see that I’ve taken you for granted.” “I know I’ve been overly critical lately.” “I haven’t been emotionally available.” “I’ve been expecting too much from you without telling you what I need.” Mistakes will be made and miscommunication is bound to occur, but it is possible to make amends to repair the damage. When couples continually engage in destructive arguments without processing or understanding their partner’s perspective, conflicts can build up and escalate to become overwhelming. Don’t let an argument snowball into a catastrophic situation filled with resentment. Instead, view it as an opportunity to learn more about each other, grow together as a team, and create a more positive outcome. Here’s to healthier relationships! *This article was reviewed by in-house mental wellbeing therapist, Alex O.

It’s the season of love! Get ready for an incoming flood of romantic dinners, flowers and gifts made with love on full display everywhere on social media. While Valentine’s Day lasts only for a day, it should be celebrated everyday with our partners…cliche, we know – but here’s why.    Romantic relationships have been found to impact the physical and psychological well being…individuals in healthy relationships report heightened emotional support, self-esteem, and quality of life. (Comprehensive Clinical Psychology)   To get the lowdown on how to build healthy relationships, we approached our in-house mental well being therapist, Alex O. who has over 10 years of experience, working with renowned companies such as Singapore Airlines and Coca Cola. She has also garnered experience as a behavioral therapist, psychologist and counselor in Michigan Community Hospital, Lakeside Family Centre as well as the Singapore Prison Service. This year, we’re focusing on building healthier relationships by managing conflict and asking the tough questions. Keep your eyes peeled for more! Building Healthy and Long-lasting Relationships Turning Towards Strong research by Gottman Institute has pointed to the success of a relationship being tied to whether or not couples turn towards each other instead of away from each other. Individuals in a relationship will often make bids for connection to their partner, and the way their partner responds has a large impact on the couples long-term success.    A bid is any attempt from one partner to another for attention or any other positive connection, they are requests to connect. Bids show up in simple ways – a smile or wink, or more complex ways, such as a request for advice or help. A bid can look like: “What shall we do this weekend?” or “How has work been?” They could also give you a loving squeeze or hold your hand.   Turning towards each other starts with paying attention. By paying attention, you’re responding to that call for connection from your partner. Not sure where to begin? Here are some questions to get you started.   What are some bids that my partner could be making in an attempt to connect? How can I start paying attention to these bids? What does it feel like when my partner doesn’t turn towards me? How can I get better at turning towards? Developing Trust Trust is fundamental to a healthy and long-lasting relationship as it is tied to honesty, open communication, vulnerability, and respect, making it one of the most important aspects of a relationship.   Despite it being one of the biggest aspects, many struggle with trust in relationships. Here’s a few ways you and your partner can develop trust with each other.    Practice being vulnerable and honest in small steps, build confidence in being more open with your partner.  Be sure to be open about everything – finances, your past, and perhaps concerns with a family member. Don’t sweep important issues under the rug because this can lead to resentment. Challenge mistrustful thoughts. Ask yourself: is my lack of trust due to my partner’s actions, my own insecurities, or both?  Listen to your partner’s side of the story. Believe that they are being honest and have faith in your partner. Effective Communication We are told repeatedly that communication is vital in relationships. But do we know exactly how to communicate? It’s easy for us to communicate our own feelings, to voice out our personal thoughts and opinions, but many times we forget that communication is a two way street.   Effective communication involves both speaking and listening which requires time and effort. Here’s a few ways to achieve effective communication with your partner.   Understand your own feelings. This unclogs your mind, not allowing any feelings of anger or sadness to cloud your thoughts and words. Don’t interrupt. When an issue arises, it’s easy for a talk to quickly become a screaming match. Give your partner the opportunity to be able to voice out their thoughts and feelings completely without any interruptions, and ask the same from your partner.  Acknowledgement. Acknowledging your partner’s thoughts and feelings helps them feel heard and understood. This opens up a safe space for your partner to share how they feel. Listen more than you speak. Listening is to hear something with thoughtful attention, to give it consideration. This allows for more effective communication as it helps us understand things from the perspective of the other person. We are often caught up with our own feelings, but it’s also important to hear our partner out. Relationships are difficult to navigate and it can often feel draining when issues arise, but with time and effort from both parties, you’re on your way to a healthier relationship. Remember, everyday should be Valentine’s Day!